From this week's Newsweek:
"What kids think about sex might surprise you, but what they're doing sexually—and when they're doing it—might surprise you even more. In a study this year of more than a 1,000 tweens (kids between the ages 11 and 14), commissioned by Liz Claiborne Inc. and loveisrespect.org, nearly half said they'd had a boy- or girlfriend, and one in four said that oral sex or going "all the way" is part of a tween romance. The parents' view? Only 7 percent of parents surveyed in this study think their own child has gone any further than "making out."
The whole subject of sex is so delicate that some parents put off talking to kids about it, believing their child is still too young, or because they're not sure what to say. They "finally sit down to have the Big Talk," says Dr. Mark Schuster, chief of general pediatrics at Children's Hospital Boston, "and it turns out their teen is already having sex." (The average age of first intercourse in the United States is 16, according to the Centers for Disease Control)
The good news is that there's plenty of evidence indicating that kids whose parents do discuss sex with them are more cautious than their peers—more likely to put off sex or use contraception. They also have fewer partners. Coaching for parents helps, as well. Parents who participated in a training program about how to have those difficult conversations, Schuster reports, were six times more likely than a control group to have discussed condoms with their children. So what did the parents learn? Here are nine "talking sex" tips:
1. Find the moment. Instead of saying "it's time to talk about you-know," let the topic arise naturally—say, during a love scene in a video, or while passing a couple on a park bench. It helps to think about opening lines in advance.
2. Don't be vague about your own feelings. You know you don't want your ninth grader getting pregnant, but is oral sex OK? How do you feel about your daughter going steady or dating several boys casually? Consider the messages you want your kids to hear.
3. Anticipate the roadblocks that a teen or tween might set up. If they tend to say "uh huh," try asking open-ended questions or suggesting a variety of possible ways someone might feel in a relevant situation.
4. Be a good listener. Avoid lecturing and don't interrupt once your child opens up. Restate in your own words what you hear and identify feelings.
5. Help your child consider the pros and cons of sexual choices.
6. Relate sex and physical intimacy to love, caring and respect for themselves and their partner.
7. Teach strategies to manage sexual pressure. It may not be obvious to your daughter that she can suggest going to the movies or a restaurant instead of lounging with her boyfriend on a sofa without adult supervision. Or she may not know she can set and stick to a clear rule (such as no touching below the waist). Discuss the fact that "no means no." A simple strategy like getting up and going to the bathroom can give a girl time to regroup.
8. Don't be afraid to get down to specifics. If your teenage daughter or son is spending every afternoon alone with a main squeeze, and you're simply hoping they're using condoms, go ahead and ask whether they are sexually active and using birth control. You can buy a box of condoms and talk about how to use them—practice on a cucumber. A good laugh won't hurt your relationship.
9. Make the conversation ongoing—not a talk that happens once or twice. For more tips on talking to kids about sex and other sensitive issues, visit Children Now, a nonprofit nonpartisan organization's guide to talking to kids of all ages about sexual subjects. Or The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry's "Facts for Families." "
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
This is from the online site: sojo.net
An interesting perspective on the Liberian issue from halfway across the country.
Liberian Deportation Threat One More Reason for Immigration Reform
by Bailey Craft 03-18-2009
The clock is ticking for thousands of Liberian immigrants as the month of March draws to a close. I recently read a story in the Minneapolis Star Tribune concerning the temporary immigration status of more than 3,600 Liberians nationwide that is set to expire at the end of March. Unless an extension is granted by President Obama, these immigrants will face deportation. To postpone the deadline for at least another 18 months would provide Congress with time to consider a permanent solution – legislation providing a path to citizenship.
Liberians were granted temporary status after fleeing the civil war that erupted in their homeland. The conflict lasted well over a decade, and conditions in Liberia remain unstable. Liberia’s fragile infrastructure is not yet ready to absorb thousands of deportees, as it is plagued with housing, electrical and water shortages, as well as high unemployment and crime rates.
As a Minnesotan, this issue is extremely relevant. Minnesota has one of the largest Liberian populations in the nation, and over 1,000 Liberians in my state would be deported if nothing is done. Forcibly uprooting hardworking members of my community will have a devastating impact on these families who have made the United States their home. The sudden loss will negatively impact various sectors, as many are taxpaying home and business owners, students, health care professionals, and members of local congregations. Deportations will further deplete communities ransacked by the current economic crisis.
With Liberia’s current conditions in mind, many parents would face the agonizing choice of whether to leave their children behind in the United States or bring them to Liberia. Families will be ripped apart, and children left with friends or relatives who may not be in a position to provide care. It is unjust to force a parent to have to choose either physical safety or family unification.
Father James Wilson, a Liberian and priest at St. Philip and St. Thomas Episcopal Churches in Saint Paul, asserts, “Liberians go through this immigration nightmare, which I find very disturbing on the basis of biblical social justice ethics that call for welcoming strangers, treating them justly as you too were once strangers or aliens (Exodus 23:9).”
Liberians in our communities have ceased to become strangers; they have lived and worked alongside of us for nearly two decades.
It is imperative to respect the human dignity of these individuals and acknowledge and honor the numerous contributions they have made to our communities and our country.
Action to extend the March 31st deadline is needed now, but this situation underlines the need for long-term comprehensive immigration reform. It is unjust for a nation to allow people to settle and build their lives in the United States for nearly two decades yet withhold the opportunity to become citizens. An extension of the deadline by an administrative order would give Congress time to consider legislation which could provide a path to citizenship. Please join me in calling the White House and urging President Obama to extend the deadline of deportation for Liberians beyond March 31, 2009.
Bailey Craft is a volunteer program assistant at the Minnesota Literacy Council which provides literacy services to immigrants and refugees.
An interesting perspective on the Liberian issue from halfway across the country.
Liberian Deportation Threat One More Reason for Immigration Reform
by Bailey Craft 03-18-2009
The clock is ticking for thousands of Liberian immigrants as the month of March draws to a close. I recently read a story in the Minneapolis Star Tribune concerning the temporary immigration status of more than 3,600 Liberians nationwide that is set to expire at the end of March. Unless an extension is granted by President Obama, these immigrants will face deportation. To postpone the deadline for at least another 18 months would provide Congress with time to consider a permanent solution – legislation providing a path to citizenship.
Liberians were granted temporary status after fleeing the civil war that erupted in their homeland. The conflict lasted well over a decade, and conditions in Liberia remain unstable. Liberia’s fragile infrastructure is not yet ready to absorb thousands of deportees, as it is plagued with housing, electrical and water shortages, as well as high unemployment and crime rates.
As a Minnesotan, this issue is extremely relevant. Minnesota has one of the largest Liberian populations in the nation, and over 1,000 Liberians in my state would be deported if nothing is done. Forcibly uprooting hardworking members of my community will have a devastating impact on these families who have made the United States their home. The sudden loss will negatively impact various sectors, as many are taxpaying home and business owners, students, health care professionals, and members of local congregations. Deportations will further deplete communities ransacked by the current economic crisis.
With Liberia’s current conditions in mind, many parents would face the agonizing choice of whether to leave their children behind in the United States or bring them to Liberia. Families will be ripped apart, and children left with friends or relatives who may not be in a position to provide care. It is unjust to force a parent to have to choose either physical safety or family unification.
Father James Wilson, a Liberian and priest at St. Philip and St. Thomas Episcopal Churches in Saint Paul, asserts, “Liberians go through this immigration nightmare, which I find very disturbing on the basis of biblical social justice ethics that call for welcoming strangers, treating them justly as you too were once strangers or aliens (Exodus 23:9).”
Liberians in our communities have ceased to become strangers; they have lived and worked alongside of us for nearly two decades.
It is imperative to respect the human dignity of these individuals and acknowledge and honor the numerous contributions they have made to our communities and our country.
Action to extend the March 31st deadline is needed now, but this situation underlines the need for long-term comprehensive immigration reform. It is unjust for a nation to allow people to settle and build their lives in the United States for nearly two decades yet withhold the opportunity to become citizens. An extension of the deadline by an administrative order would give Congress time to consider legislation which could provide a path to citizenship. Please join me in calling the White House and urging President Obama to extend the deadline of deportation for Liberians beyond March 31, 2009.
Bailey Craft is a volunteer program assistant at the Minnesota Literacy Council which provides literacy services to immigrants and refugees.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Sermons, Youth and Lent etc.
Hi all,
Below is my sermon from yesterday, the text was The Noahic Covenant in Genesis.
At Youth Group we discussed Lent and what Lent means to each of us. I was pleased with the conversation about adding things to your life as a very viable option--Lent isn't necessarily about giving things up. But, that said, Nick's giving up his favorite video game is a very thoughtful discipline. Anyway, it was a great conversation, as always.
"God's My Bad"
Lent 1 Year B St. Paul's Cathedral, Buffalo New York
The Rev'd Cathy Dempesy
“My bad” is a modern day way of saying, “oops, I’m so sorry-- I take full responsibility for this. I screwed up and this is my fault.” This notion of “ my bad” is a good synopsis for today’s reading from Genesis. God says to humanity: “My Bad! I let my emotions get the best of me and obliterated my creation with the raging flood. I am sorry. My bad.”
Every relationship needs to have “my bad” room. Each party in a relationship must be able—and willing-- to say, “oh man that was lousy, I’m sorry” or “you know I blew it, I apologize.” Part of successful couple’s counseling is to teach partners how to have productive arguments. There will be disagreements that’s a given, what matters is how we express those disagreements and how we resolve them so we can move on. A lingering, unresolved disagreement is a quick and potent poison to any relationship. But having the skill --the tools to work through those disagreements is a soothing balm to relationships.
Often when couples come in for pre-marital counseling they cringe at the subject of disagreements—and they sure don’t want to discuss how these fights unfold. They’d rather deny that any discord exists at all. It is then that I remind them that the covenant of marriage is not about never being mad at each other. On the contrary it’s about sticking with each other even when mad. It’s about loving each other in sickness, in bad times, in poverty….it’s about not Bailing at the first sign of trouble (Now obviously there are any number of scenarios where the covenant of marriage must be dissolved—but what I am talking about are regular every day dissapointments, hurt, frustrtaion). Covenants, solemn contracts, oaths, bonds, are designed to keep us together—in relationship-- when we would rather just break apart.
Today God makes just such a promise, an oath to Noah and all the inhabitants of the ark: Never again will God destroy the earth through the raging waters of a flood. Among all the covenants God has made with humanity this one is unique, for this covenant, this promise, was wholly one-sided. As German theologian Gerard Von Rad said, this promise requires absolutely nothing of creation, it places all the limits, all the boundaries on God.
Boundaries on God? Why would our omnipotent, omniscient Creator need boundaries, need limits?
Because God is fully, completely, head over heels, in love with us.
And when one –even God—finds themselves so in love, great passions are stirred. And when great passions are stirred anyone can lose their mind. Even God!…
Have you ever lashed out at the one you love most in the world? We do so, not out of malice but out of confusion, frustration and hurt. When we start loving someone we start building up the possibility—the probability of hurt… God did the same with his creation, the more he loved us, the greater the hurt. Now had God been a distant, uninvolved, disconnected Creator, God never would have been so hurt and wouldn’t have lashed out of that hurt, that disappointment that sadness. But God isn’t distant, God is involved God is connected.
The flood was God’s gut reaction to our behavior. God became so derailed by his love for us, so stirred with passion for us, that he forgot the truth of our human nature—he forgot that we would, eventually, become recalcitrant, ungrateful and forgetful. And when that happened, when we turned our backs on God, out of God’s own frustration and sadness he tossed the whole lot of creation, save those on the ark, back into the chaos of water and darkness...the muck from which he created it all in the first place.
But God so loved us, he cleared the skies, dried the earth and told Noah he’d never again let his disappointment get the best of him, never lash out so violently. God could have just retreated to a disconnected place far from our reach, but instead God stayed with us. In his divine persistence, God stayed (and continues to stay) in relationship with us. In a relationship where God is always ready to receive us, a relationship where all we need to do is show up willing to let go of our temptations, our doubt, our fear, willing to empty ourselves and give God a chance to fill us up.
Clearly, this is hard for us.
And that’s what makes Lent so wonderful. A whole 40 days to focus on shedding all that blocks our way, freeing ourselves to accept a relationship with a God who is absolutely crazy in love with us. This journey of Lent allows us to ready ourselves for the greatest and most miraculous of all the Biblical covenants. This covenant of a new life in Christ a covenant in which God no longer communicates through messengers and emissaries, but comes to us himself, in the person of Jesus of Nazareth. God, through His Son, goes where we’ve all gone and will go, to the darkest reaches of our human nature---anger, confusion, doubt, fear and death. From the cleansing waters of our baptism to the terrors and temptations of our wilderness, to the fear of death, God has been there.
This Lenten journey has been taken before….by God, through Jesus, his beloved Son.
Everything that tempts us, everything that derails us has already been defeated by God. Evil threw all it had at Jesus in the wilderness yet Jesus resisted it because he let the peace of God, the understanding of God and the grace of God fill him. Through Jesus, God has defeated our doubts, our fears, our rejection. By filling Jesus with His love, God has given us a way to empty ourselves. In Jesus God has given us a way to toss out all the darkness and to come to Him stripped bare redy to be filled.
May we enter the wilderness of Lent with a willingness to be emptied of everything that holds us back…may our Lenten journey be a time for us to say to God, “my bad. I’m sorry for my neglect, I’m ready to let go, to empty myself of worry doubt and fear and let you, my beloved God, fill my heart, my mind and my soul --because only when empty can we receive the full measure of God’s gift to us, the promise shown in every rainbow, the oath made at every baptism, the vow God made, the covenant which requires nothing of us other than the acceptance that our Creator God is crazy head over heals in love with us.
Amen.
Below is my sermon from yesterday, the text was The Noahic Covenant in Genesis.
At Youth Group we discussed Lent and what Lent means to each of us. I was pleased with the conversation about adding things to your life as a very viable option--Lent isn't necessarily about giving things up. But, that said, Nick's giving up his favorite video game is a very thoughtful discipline. Anyway, it was a great conversation, as always.
"God's My Bad"
Lent 1 Year B St. Paul's Cathedral, Buffalo New York
The Rev'd Cathy Dempesy
“My bad” is a modern day way of saying, “oops, I’m so sorry-- I take full responsibility for this. I screwed up and this is my fault.” This notion of “ my bad” is a good synopsis for today’s reading from Genesis. God says to humanity: “My Bad! I let my emotions get the best of me and obliterated my creation with the raging flood. I am sorry. My bad.”
Every relationship needs to have “my bad” room. Each party in a relationship must be able—and willing-- to say, “oh man that was lousy, I’m sorry” or “you know I blew it, I apologize.” Part of successful couple’s counseling is to teach partners how to have productive arguments. There will be disagreements that’s a given, what matters is how we express those disagreements and how we resolve them so we can move on. A lingering, unresolved disagreement is a quick and potent poison to any relationship. But having the skill --the tools to work through those disagreements is a soothing balm to relationships.
Often when couples come in for pre-marital counseling they cringe at the subject of disagreements—and they sure don’t want to discuss how these fights unfold. They’d rather deny that any discord exists at all. It is then that I remind them that the covenant of marriage is not about never being mad at each other. On the contrary it’s about sticking with each other even when mad. It’s about loving each other in sickness, in bad times, in poverty….it’s about not Bailing at the first sign of trouble (Now obviously there are any number of scenarios where the covenant of marriage must be dissolved—but what I am talking about are regular every day dissapointments, hurt, frustrtaion). Covenants, solemn contracts, oaths, bonds, are designed to keep us together—in relationship-- when we would rather just break apart.
Today God makes just such a promise, an oath to Noah and all the inhabitants of the ark: Never again will God destroy the earth through the raging waters of a flood. Among all the covenants God has made with humanity this one is unique, for this covenant, this promise, was wholly one-sided. As German theologian Gerard Von Rad said, this promise requires absolutely nothing of creation, it places all the limits, all the boundaries on God.
Boundaries on God? Why would our omnipotent, omniscient Creator need boundaries, need limits?
Because God is fully, completely, head over heels, in love with us.
And when one –even God—finds themselves so in love, great passions are stirred. And when great passions are stirred anyone can lose their mind. Even God!…
Have you ever lashed out at the one you love most in the world? We do so, not out of malice but out of confusion, frustration and hurt. When we start loving someone we start building up the possibility—the probability of hurt… God did the same with his creation, the more he loved us, the greater the hurt. Now had God been a distant, uninvolved, disconnected Creator, God never would have been so hurt and wouldn’t have lashed out of that hurt, that disappointment that sadness. But God isn’t distant, God is involved God is connected.
The flood was God’s gut reaction to our behavior. God became so derailed by his love for us, so stirred with passion for us, that he forgot the truth of our human nature—he forgot that we would, eventually, become recalcitrant, ungrateful and forgetful. And when that happened, when we turned our backs on God, out of God’s own frustration and sadness he tossed the whole lot of creation, save those on the ark, back into the chaos of water and darkness...the muck from which he created it all in the first place.
But God so loved us, he cleared the skies, dried the earth and told Noah he’d never again let his disappointment get the best of him, never lash out so violently. God could have just retreated to a disconnected place far from our reach, but instead God stayed with us. In his divine persistence, God stayed (and continues to stay) in relationship with us. In a relationship where God is always ready to receive us, a relationship where all we need to do is show up willing to let go of our temptations, our doubt, our fear, willing to empty ourselves and give God a chance to fill us up.
Clearly, this is hard for us.
And that’s what makes Lent so wonderful. A whole 40 days to focus on shedding all that blocks our way, freeing ourselves to accept a relationship with a God who is absolutely crazy in love with us. This journey of Lent allows us to ready ourselves for the greatest and most miraculous of all the Biblical covenants. This covenant of a new life in Christ a covenant in which God no longer communicates through messengers and emissaries, but comes to us himself, in the person of Jesus of Nazareth. God, through His Son, goes where we’ve all gone and will go, to the darkest reaches of our human nature---anger, confusion, doubt, fear and death. From the cleansing waters of our baptism to the terrors and temptations of our wilderness, to the fear of death, God has been there.
This Lenten journey has been taken before….by God, through Jesus, his beloved Son.
Everything that tempts us, everything that derails us has already been defeated by God. Evil threw all it had at Jesus in the wilderness yet Jesus resisted it because he let the peace of God, the understanding of God and the grace of God fill him. Through Jesus, God has defeated our doubts, our fears, our rejection. By filling Jesus with His love, God has given us a way to empty ourselves. In Jesus God has given us a way to toss out all the darkness and to come to Him stripped bare redy to be filled.
May we enter the wilderness of Lent with a willingness to be emptied of everything that holds us back…may our Lenten journey be a time for us to say to God, “my bad. I’m sorry for my neglect, I’m ready to let go, to empty myself of worry doubt and fear and let you, my beloved God, fill my heart, my mind and my soul --because only when empty can we receive the full measure of God’s gift to us, the promise shown in every rainbow, the oath made at every baptism, the vow God made, the covenant which requires nothing of us other than the acceptance that our Creator God is crazy head over heals in love with us.
Amen.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
J2A
Some of you have it scheduled for this Sunday evening. That is a mistake....our next evening meeting is March 22, sorry for the confusion.
BTW, I need to go to Chicago--my sister is having surgery--so I will not be here March 15th.
BTW, I need to go to Chicago--my sister is having surgery--so I will not be here March 15th.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Ash Wednesday
From today's posting by Jim Wallis at Sojourners:
Blessèd sister, holy mother, spirit of the fountain,
spirit of the garden,
Suffer us not to mock
ourselves with falsehood
Teach us to care
and not to care
Teach us to sit still
Even among these rocks,
Our peace in His will
And even among these rocks
Sister, mother
And spirit of the river,
spirit of the sea,
Suffer me not to be separated
And let my cry come unto Thee.
- T.S. Eliot,
from "Ash Wednesday, VI"
Blessèd sister, holy mother, spirit of the fountain,
spirit of the garden,
Suffer us not to mock
ourselves with falsehood
Teach us to care
and not to care
Teach us to sit still
Even among these rocks,
Our peace in His will
And even among these rocks
Sister, mother
And spirit of the river,
spirit of the sea,
Suffer me not to be separated
And let my cry come unto Thee.
- T.S. Eliot,
from "Ash Wednesday, VI"
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
update for February 22
Hi everyone,
We have acolyte trainings scheduled after the 9 AM and 11:15 AM Eucharists. Allie will be out of town, so no meeting in the youth room...enjoy the brunch on the Walker Room.
We have acolyte trainings scheduled after the 9 AM and 11:15 AM Eucharists. Allie will be out of town, so no meeting in the youth room...enjoy the brunch on the Walker Room.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Great Gathering
We had 11 people go to The Church of the Ascension to see the display of icons. Very interesting. Thanks to Fr. Armand Kreft and Ascension's seminarian, Pete Cornell, for their hospitality. And the lunch following at The Towne was great fun. Thanks to everyone!
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